Living Inside My Head with Shakira and the Red Army

Well, the start of the New Year didn't go quite as planned. That's the way that life works- it takes you where it wants, not neccesarily where you want to go. Roll with the changes-sometimes easier said than done.

So after it all went BOOM!! My first reaction was typical of me-panic, then anger, some more panic, talked to friends, more panic, more anger, crying, more talking- get the picture?

Then something happened. I went to my first belly dancing class. Yes, you read that right- 45 year old, mother of two decided to enroll in a park district belly dancing class. I did it for myself-I have body issues and thought that this might help. Also, its supposed to be great exercise. So I nervously walked in and was happy to see that everyone else who had this idea was like me-very few Shakira clones here.

I had a great time! It is a workout and you discover muscles long forgotten. So as I was driving home, feeling empowered, I thought about everything that was going on. My fears about falling back into the abyss that my life had been, a fear of being cornered, trapped. Then I remembered a bit of history. When the Nazis invaded Russia, the Red Army suffered defeat after defeat and were finally driven back to Stalingrad. Stalin was not about to see his city fall and he gaves its defenders a very simple instruction-

NOT ONE STEP BACK.

The Red Army survived the winter seige, and eventually drove the Nazis out of Russia (I know, then they got stuck with Stalin but that's not the point here today).

I am determined not to take one step back-that's how you fall into the abyss, get cornered, or trapped and surrounded by vampires. I will not give up one thing I have learned or gained. It may take a while to learn to do it with grace and not anger but I will not give up- and living in my head will help.

I was talking to one of my many great and supportive friends. She said thank God she can live in her head when she wants. Its great if you can do it- ah, that Paris dinner with Sam Waterston, the Bora Bora cabana boys, a life far away-fun and perfect. Try it-treat yourself to a few moments of living in your head. You'll find that it can get you through a lot. Maybe it will be just the break that you need before you come back to reality and deal with it all.

So, I will keep you posted-thanks to everyone who has been there to help and support me. I love you all and truly don't know what I would do without you.

Taffy
Who just bought a hip scarf for her next class