A Place Worse Than Hell

I have come to the conclusion that there is indeed a place worse than hell- it is purgatory. When I was a girl in Catholic school we heard a lot about it. It was the in-between place -somewhere between heaven and hell (somewhat like Harrisburg). You weren't good enough for heaven but not truly evil enough for hell. You stayed there until enough people prayed for you to get out. (Great- eternity rides on some nitwits who can't remember to take down the Christmas lights!)

Purgatory seems to have fallen out of favor in the church. Maybe it was the whole "hedging your bets" attitude that no doubt accompanied it. You could mess around- but only so far-before damnation kicked in as a consequence. No, the Church does not like gray areas.

But there is indeed a purgatory here on earth for some of us- and it is indeed worse than hell. With hell, you know that you are there forever-game over, deal with it. Purgatory offers the possibility of escape-if only we would take it. The door is open-do you have to guts to make a run for it? What if it slams in your face? What if the world outside is worse than the one you know? Ah, see, how it works? They don't need fences around the place-we keep ourselves there.

I happened to have tried to push the purgatory envelope- and alas, it didn't turn out the way I had hoped. You know, the perfect movie way (damn! I watch too many of them) where everything turns out beautifully. Things didn't turn out bad, just not perfect. My initial reaction was (given everything I have shared about myself, can you guess?) yes, panic. Then I went on to damn all creation but then, well, I settled down.

Okay, it wasn't the way I hoped but it wasn't a disaster either. The cosmic ship is still righted and sailing on-and looking back, I don't regret it at all. It really is the things that we don't try, don't say, don't act on that we regret. At least now I know-no purgatory of "what ifs" here.

So, patient readers, what have I learned- other than never fight a ground war in Asia? Make your move, say what is on your mind, don't live with the not knowing, don't become a prisoner to yourself. Tomorrow, pick one thing that you have wanted to do but for some reason, just couldn't-and do it or at least take one step toward it.

And remember-
Not one step back

Peace,
Taffy